MM: Success: Are you Envious or Inspired?

11/23/15

Have you ever scrolled through your social media feed and become overwhelmed by all the achievements of those you follow, while you sit at your desk buried in your collection of to-do lists? We’ve all been there, feeling like we missed the meeting in life where they told us the secret to success. You’ve now arrived at a crossroads. You can cue the breakdown, anger, apathy, rude comments, or my personal favorite– Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream with a side of doubt or… you can make the choice to look at other people’s success as an inspiration for your own dreams. Now you are saying, “Sure, that’s easy to say but how do you actually do that?” Well, let’s take a look at what is standing in your way.

First, let’s address the two types of envy. The first type is the envy that twists the achievement of others into an attack on your own status. We will call this “malicious envy”– wanting something someone else has, and knocking them down a notch to make yourself feel better. The second type, we will call “benign envy”– an envy that points out an area in your own life that you aspire to better and look to other’s achievements to set goals for yourself and draw inspiration from.

So what makes us fall into envy over inspiration (benign envy)? Well, according to research, perception of worthiness has a lot to do with it. Netherland researchers have concluded, “Everything that influences whether people think it is deserved for the other person to have what he or she has should increase the likelihood of eliciting benign envy over malicious envy.” But what does putting conditions on success do to our view of success? In truth, it puts limitations on our own dreams and what we can accomplish. By measuring how deserving others are of their success we must also do the same for ourselves.

This does not have to be the solution to the problem though. Success can inspire success in a powerful way if we let it– it just takes a shift in perspective. If we take the time to appreciate the success of others without judgement, and evaluate what it is in their success that strikes a cord in our own desires, we can begin to constructively move forward. We do not all want the big house and shiny corvette or the trip around the world. Yet, something within those material things conjures up our own desire to live comfortably, broaden our horizons, or maybe create something– it is the meaning we attach to the object that we long for. It is here we begin to find a spark to spur us on to our own success. When it comes down to it, every success story has a take away if you listen for it and do not drown it out with your own objections. So go ahead, scroll through that social media feed– what success stories will inspire you?

LATEST INSIGHTS